It’s hard to believe that at any point in my life I dreaded turning 25. I counted it as a benchmark by which I needed to have certain things “together”. Watching the clock tick closer to 25 and worrying about what I hadn’t yet accomplished distracted me from working on myself and growing. It stopped me from being grateful for what I had accomplished. This past year of life, everything changed for the better and it started with my mindset. I shifted my focus to myself and what I can control. I eliminated distractions, stopped playing victim to the cards life dealt me and decided to win the game no matter what. Focusing on loving myself naturally developed into a distaste for toxicity and a thirst for purpose and positivity in life. I got out of my head, out of my own way and onto my own path. Nothing has been the same.
It wasn’t easy. I learned a few more lessons at the start of 2019 being stubborn and clinging to old habits that no longer represented the new me. It was like forcing myself into an old, worn pair of jeans that were too small and having the audacity to be shocked and embarrassed when they ripped in public. I had to let go. Growing is beyond uncomfortable because it requires the realization that you’re much further from who you want to be than you thought. Then comes accepting what needs to be changed and a lot of times that requires losing people, places and parts of yourself you’ve been comfortable with for a while. Last is the actual work it requires to apply what you’ve learned and transform. But the best thing about growth is once you start, it doesn’t stop. You just grow bigger and more powerful at a faster pace.
In the past few months alone I got out of my own way & was signed to a modeling agency. I put up major boundaries within relationships, which included completely eliminating some. I cut out meat, caffeine and weed. I found a new church that resonated with me more. I even got my driver’s permit lol! Most importantly, I started seeing a therapist to address deeper traumas I couldn’t heal on my own. I say all that to say, growth is different for everyone but as long as you keep moving forward, that’s what matters. I’m proud of how far I’ve come & I’m excited for the growth that’s ahead of me. If I could tell my younger self anything I would say “slow down and be present”. The past is gone & the future isn’t promised so I’m focusing on being my best self and loving my life right now. Here’s to 25 years of growth, and so much more…
08. 02. 2019