I knew for a while that I had some healing to do, we all do, but it wasn’t until last year I realized just how much baggage I was carrying. I’ve always been independent, strong-willed and a bit stubborn so it was natural for me to deal with things on my own… but I had to admit I wasn’t doing the best job of that. It took some time to put my pride aside and admit I needed help unpacking.
I’d been conditioned, like most POC, to believe that seeking therapy meant you were “crazy”. Luckily, with the increase of mental health awareness and de-stigmatization of therapy I realized it’s okay to admit you’re not okay. I got tired of carrying the weight of my traumas on my own so I sought help. The first weekend of June, I was at my first therapy session and my life has done a 180° since.
So What Have I Learned So Far?
Everyone’s journey with therapy is different because we’re all so different. Our needs, wants all vary greatly but one thing’s for sure, we all need healing from something. Below are a few of the gems I’ve picked up from my therapist in the past 6 months that have really resonated with me. I always take notes!
- I wasn’t meeting like minded people at the place where I was in life because I was in the “middle ground”. Not who I used to be anymore but not yet where I want to be just yet. I have to keep my eyes fixed on the end goal (the best version of me) in order to keep moving toward people who reflect that version of me.
- The closer you get to security the less you will care what people of your past think of you.
- Everyone deserves love but it doesn’t have to be mine.
- You can have emotions toward someone/something just don’t attach yourself to them or the outcome.
- Being honest & vulnerable is actually a good thing & lessens your chances of being hurt or taken advantage of because it weeds out who isn’t for you.
- Don’t associate rejection with negativity. Understand rejection is a good thing & that it protects you in the long run and leaves space for something that is better for you.
- Don’t conflate relationship needs with high priority or low priority wants.
- Work on your own emotional intelligence because people will always expect a higher EQ from others than what they have themselves. The higher your EQ, the more heightened your intuition will be.
- Give positive feedback casually in the moment so resentment doesn’t fester later in your relationships.
- Don’t be so hard on yourself, this is a process and it will take time.
- Who is your favorite younger sibling/cousin? What would you tell them if they made a mistake, or you heard them self-bashing? Treat yourself how you would treat them.
The Fit: How Do I Find the Right Therapist?
Finding the right therapist is like establishing any relationship, you have to get to know them and see if they’re a right match for you. It’s also a lot like online dating, what may sound good in a 140 character blurb just may not click in person, and you’ll probably have to try a few before you find the right one. But that’s okay, you can’t allow that to discourage you because when you do find them, it will change your life.
I started my search by googling what practices in my city accepted my insurance, then screened through each therapist’s photo because I was specifically looking for a Black woman. I read through each of their blurbs and filtered out the ones who didn’t specialize in what I was looking for which was experience with young adults and mental health issues among other things.
I hope that sharing my journey has inspired you to start your own. It’ll be the best decision you’ve made thus far. Read Pt. 2 for more info on finding a therapist, financing tips, resources and apps!
Love,
G