About a month ago the annual Women’s march took place in New York City, and hundreds of women attended and supported the march with the intention of bringing light to important concerns that affect us. As I saw all these smiling faces come together on this one day, I couldn’t help but wonder how many of these women actually support each other everyday? I speak from experience because I once was not always the greatest to other women, but as I’ve gotten older and as the love for myself grew so did my love for all. This blog post is long, but so important. So ladies, grab some tea or a glass of wine because this, you need to hear…
It’s easy to point the finger at men & use the dynamic between men & women as the crux of victimhood, but let’s be honest… women are not always the kindest to each other either. Men may not be perfect but one thing they have down to a science that women do not is the “code”. Men will literally lie, steal, cheat & kill for their bros. While some women will leave their drunk homegirl alone in a sketchy situation just to go hookup with the ex who treated her like crap. So if men put each other first, and if women put men before their own, well then where does that leave us? Dead last.
I like to consider myself a pretty awesome friend to have. I’ll hold your hair back, listen to you cry about John for the billionth time (without complaining) and support even your tiniest endeavors. I’ll be the first to admit though, that I’m not perfect and have certainly been a not so great friend to my fellow women. For example, something I’m guilty of having done a few times, which I know A LOT of you can relate to (don’t front) is not giving my fellow friends/sisters the benefit of the doubt. Here’s a scenario. Brenda tells me that Ashley confessed to her she would “steal my man in a heartbeat” and BOOM! Ashley is blocked on all social media within .5 seconds and not a chance to even plead the fifth. Now what if Brenda was lying, because she’s secretly jealous of my friendship with Ashley? Now see that brings me right back around to the entire point of this blog. Women can be super evil to each other 😦 I didn’t even give Ashley the benefit of the doubt, and I’ve thrown away an awesome friendship without even looking back.
I hate to say it, but I think it all goes back to self-worth. Low self-worth will have you finding a different woman to hate every week instead of leaving the man who puts you in competition with them. Low self-worth will have you flirting with your best friends boyfriend because you want to validate to yourself that you can pull a man of the same caliber as she can. Low self-worth will have you grilling every beautiful woman on the street and saying things like “I don’t know what it is, but I just don’t like her”, knowing in all actuality you admire her. Basically, low self-worth will have you placing men before your own sisters because you fail to realize that one woman’s greatness does not take from yours.
What can we do to make a change?
- Recognize that you do not always look out for other women. It’s understandable, we are conditioned from childhood to be in competition with each other. i.e when daddy kissed you on the forehead as a child and mommy jokingly said “hey he’s mine”. Yup, something as small as that can condition your mind to believe things that aren’t true. (look up Jung’s theory the ‘Electra Complex’!)
- Support all women! Love all women! Not just the one’s who don’t intimidate you. Being a great woman and friend means standing up for other women in every single aspect, not just when it conveniences you, not just in public to prove something, and not solely to impress others.
- Being a Girl Boss, or boss period, requires being a leader. A leader is fair, equal and just, not self-motivated or selfish. If you’re on the side of other women until it “threatens” you or the security of something in your life that you are scared to lose then you were never a Girl Boss to begin with.
- Love yourself! If you can’t love & appreciate the woman you are, how can you love & appreciate the women they are?
How to Follow the True Girl Boss Code:
- Don’t block other girls from opportunities just because you want to be the best at something or the only successful woman doing what you do. There will always be plenty of money for talent, and plenty of dicks in the sea. Competition is all in your head and further encouraged by your own insecurities. So let that woman flourish, share the links, and the opportunities and the love and the good news because that’s the true nature of a Girl Boss.
- Look out for your fellow sisters! I recently read an article about a woman who had her husband wait at the bus stop in front of their house while a single mother waited alone with her children every morning. The man never took the bus with her, he simply wanted to ensure she and her children were safe. A lot of woman would stop their significant other from doing an act of kindness like this for another woman because they believe it will somehow take from them. Stop seeing other women as competitors, rather than your teammates!
- If you see a woman in an uncomfortable situation, speak up. I know it can be scary but we’re so much stronger together! She should not have to be your sister, or mother or close friend for you to care.
Don’t just march with your fellow women once a year. March with each other every single day!